I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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