i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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