Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
