idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
