be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
