someone owes me an orgasm
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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