Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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