You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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