His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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