Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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