drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
