Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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