my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize