if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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