Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Even my vagina gasped.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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