Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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