The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
