fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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