He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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