I wannas sexs uuuuu
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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