no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
