i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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