Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
