dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Randomize
