Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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