I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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