Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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