I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
