smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
he wants to bone in the snuggie
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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