when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
