Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
