People in love make me want to vomit
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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