What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
