he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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