Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Is it penis luge time yet?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
