I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
