i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
3 2 1 whiskey
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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