I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
