Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
