apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
