he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
