The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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