Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize