This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
