there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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