Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
