used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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