i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
