I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
