I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize