If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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