did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
