Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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