Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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