Soap is not a condiment
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm both gender and math confused
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
