He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
