I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
