I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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