So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
