Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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