You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
