I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
