6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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