I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
