She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
