Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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