No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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