There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
