I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
