You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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