I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
