I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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