I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
